On 7/10/09, Kevin Cheli-Colando <email@example.com> wrote: > As for myself, I have no problem with the idea of such events at all > (looping festivals, electronic music, and so on). And as for the look > at me and love me aspect of live performing, well, anyone needing that > and thinking the audience at a loop fest will be able to satisfy it > might have other issues to be addressed :-) Hi Kevin, I'm ambivalent about ALL performing. 8-) No need to seek adulation or acceptance. After plenty of both, I've found myself strangely vacant when standing before an audience, not sure how or why. It's like lost innocence or something. Maybe it's my older age? I'm still wildly into what I actually play (when doing it well) and really moved by my favorite pieces by others—I just don't understand the performer-audient relationship anymore. Having trouble with the general notion of why I would perform, leads me to more trouble with the specific notion of further filtering my constraints as looping-specific. This is less about music for me and more about interpersonal psychology. Troubling after a lifetime of playing music in many forms. The one area I really still love (when I get the rare chance to do it) is theater / pit-band sort of stuff. That still holds a LOT of juice for me. I love the magic of providing exactly the right mood and ambiance to a scene and seeing the actors do their thing. I find it amazing. It's also a blast to see the reactions of my pit-mates to my efforts. I am also challenged to read the themes and melodies as well as do it on a deadline: early readings and rough rehearsals—tech rehearsal—dress rehearsal—opening night! It holds great magic for me and I wish I had pursued it on a much more serious level. Dichotomy—conundrum—bi-polar? Hard to say! 8-) > Personally I'm intrigued by the idea of playing live for an audience > of strangers not because I seek any sort of adulation but because I > wonder what the energy and attention of other people can bring to a > performance. Where I get hung up is the all too real ability of other > people to negatively impact my playing (I don't play well under > critical scrutiny). But I do wonder what a little extra supportive > attention might bring out in the music. I agree that audience energy can affect the outcome of any given performance. While that was a very important factor in ensembles I've played with in the past, it's dropped to the bottom of my list of performance needs at this piont in my life. It's less about "love me" and much more about asking myself exactly WHAT *I* expect from the presence of an audience—the exploration of this question has led me to the vacant feeling that there is NO GOOD REASON for me to interact with an audience. It's been a weird realization, and very personal, after some long, hard introspection. I'm not even sure if there's a good reason for me to put recordings out there, but I still do. I DO like the idea of sharing my better moments, but somehow don't feel the transaction (resources vs. interaction) is equitable for me at the moment. I've discussed this at length with Rick Walker and his open invitations to play are heart-warming and comforting, in that I've at least left a lasting impression with him. In my long, meandering friendship with Rick, I have always valued his continuing support and hope to still contribute ideas and inspiration from my position on the sidelines. > So from the perspective of someone who doesn't in any way "need" to > play live (for fame or fortune), I wonder if its worth trying to > overcome all the baggage and hassle that comes with playing publicly. I'm sure the answer is different and personal for each—it's an important question to ask. I was very surprised how I felt after long introspection. -m -- Miko Biffle Biffoz@Gmail.com "Running scared from all the usual distractions!"